In the past week, the Lord has reconciled some relationships I have longed for, but not because of anything I did.
I have been humbled to see the role of prayer in the process, along with the Holy Spirit. While I have been blessed by the restored relationships, I have also been challenged by my lack of faith, or perhaps release of control. Control over hurt, reasons to stay wounded, control over misunderstandings and angst. Control over things I should have released to the Lord a long time ago, having faith that He would take care of the situation.
The older I get the more I realize I know nothing of the Lord, yet the more I seek Him, the more He reveals Himself. I am humbled. In the past week, He has touched the deepest parts of me starting the healing process, by showing me if I pray, He will answer.
How often do I forget that? I find it easy to pray for others and their relationships, but I wait until I can’t fix things on my own, then I to go to Him in prayer.
How stupid is that?
I easily see His grace, love and mercy in the lives of others, but fail to appropriate them in my own life, in the lives of those I love most.
But when I do allow Him to work these in my life, I am humbled and blessed in extraordinary measures. Why do I wait so long? Why don’t I go there first?
There’s an old Sunday School song (and parable) about a wise man who builds his house upon a rock, and a foolish man who builds his house upon sand. Today I feel much more like the foolish man building his house upon shifting sands, realizing it’s easier to build someone else’s house with wisdom on the Rock, than it is my own. It’s easy to trust the Lord for what He will do in the lives of other. It’s not so easy to relinquish that trust when it comes to my own life – giving up control for trust leaves the “hurt factor” to be possible.
I’m learning the more I allow the Carpenter to build my house and relationships, I can trust Him. I wish I could say “I trust Him” every time, but wounds often cause me to doubt that trust. But the more I allow Him to heal the wounds, the easier it is to hand over control, piece by piece, trading a house built by a fool for a house build by One much wiser.
So, I guess I’m getting trained in carpentry in addition to my other schooling at the moment. I’m sure this Carpenter training never ends. If it would, I would be in control, proving to be a foolish builder once again.
I’m thankful I’ll never fully learn the tools of the trade in this thing called life. I guess that makes me an apprentice. Not a bad place to be at forty-something.
This is one internship I won’t want to finish.