While the phrase is cliche, to say the least,
decisions can stump us, frustrate us,
and bring stress we would just rather do without.
They bring change, adjustment, and the unknown.
This week, I’ll be rejoining the workforce full-time after a 3 1/2 year hiatus. While I’m resting in this decision, a host of other decisions come in the wake of “the big one.”
Decisions that determine peace in my body, soul, and spirit.
What will have to give?
As a wife and mother of four,
I can run an extremely smooth household and work full-time at a career.
I did it before, and I can do it again.
But in the wake of “the smooth and orderly” for everyone involved, there was personal loss of soul and spirit.
I’m honest here.
Those women who can bring home the bacon,
fry it up in the pan,
and never let their husbands forget-their-a-man
just don’t live in my house.
I can probably do it all, but I get tired.
In contemplating a new schedule,
there are several casseroles in our freezer.
Appointments have been scheduled after school hours.
But I’m wondering, where will my time for the Lord be,
and what about exercise, eating right,
and that whole “make your husband feel like a man” stuff?
One thing I can’t afford to lose is alone time with God.
Over the last three years, I’ve been able to spent quality time with the King of the Universe that has ordered my days, changed my perspective, and given life to weary bones. I’m praying time to strengthen weary bones will stretch the rest of the time left.
Kind of like first-fruits giving or something like that.
A sense of tithing time, similar to tithing financially.
I often feel like a wimp when it comes to a full-time career path.
I look around at other women and they do it so well.
I look at my own efforts and see “F” for failure at times.
Failure to balance it all perfectly.
Failure to not get everything done and not be exhausted. Failure to not be content in busyness.
Or perhaps it’s failure to not live up to the expectations we have of ourselves, or society has for women.
So, as I make decisions in the next week of what will give and what will remain, I rest in the hope that time spent with my Savior will shed new light on expectations He has of me, and not others.
For every woman who struggles with these decisions,
only He can guide our steps.
“Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” Psalm 119:105
May God illuminate the lamp……..even at 5:30 am.